As the founder of Bridge It, a charity that supports young women and gender diverse people affected by homelessness, Carla Raynes has spent her career helping others build stability and belonging. Alongside that mission, she’s a mum of two, a wife, and one half of an identical twin duo — her sister Jenna helps run Bridge It and co-parents their children in a uniquely supportive family setup.
In this conversation, Carla opens up about founding Bridge It while eight weeks pregnant, hitting burnout so hard it led to a seizure, and the daily rituals that now help her protect her energy. She shares what she’s learned about leadership, rest, and love — from running a charity with her twin to keeping a weekly date night non-negotiable.
Founding Bridge It while 8 weeks pregnant — and bringing your son to a fundraiser at just 6 days old — is an incredible story. What do you remember about that period, and how did you manage the dual demands of motherhood and building a charity?
I remember not wanting to stop working and as my due date inched closer, and I remember telling my team, you will know when I am in labour as I will stop replying to emails. For me that wasn’t because I was grinding, it was because I absolutely love what I do and it was such an exciting time for Bridge It with the doors to our Cocoon opening in a few weeks time. Ted finally arrived 10 days overdue and was 4.24KG so was a big boy. Being a big boy meant he slept pretty well from birth which was great. Corey and I went out for our first date to a steak restaurant when he was 24 hours old.
One of Bridge It’s biggest supporters, Igniting Change had arranged to bring a group of potential supporters to the Cocoon and as I was overdue Ted was younger than we thought he would be. The visit went ahead anyway and from that visit we got a lot of support, including the amazing MECCA who have committed to support us for 6 years. I had officially taken 10 weeks off work at Bridge It, but it was hard to totally switch off. I remember meeting with one of Bridge It’s donors when Ted was a few weeks old and she snuggled him while I drank a coffee which was just so great.
I was working at Igniting Change at this time and there was always someone to snuggle with Ted and he would snooze in a bouncer on the desk. My teammate Kate and I interviewed for staff when Ted was a few weeks old and he was there the whole time. I remember offering a role to someone and they declined. I had this little feeling that maybe they thought Bridge It or I was unprofessional for having a newborn at the interviews, but I decided if that was the case then they wouldn’t be the right fit for Bridge It anyway.
Burnout hit so hard at one point that it led to a seizure. What changes came after that moment, and what signs do you now look for to protect your energy before things reach a breaking point?
When Ted was around 18 months old I had been feeding him in the night and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. The next thing I remember was being on the floor with Coreys kneeling over me with a concerned look on his face. Corey said I was having a seizure and I was taken to hospital. I think that having my kids 2 years apart and being up at night so much, whilst working hard on Bridge It and neglecting looking after my physical and mental health took a toll on me.
I remember the neurologist telling me that if I “didn’t change [my] lifestyle.” I would keep having seizures. That scared me as I worried about it happening when I was driving or alone with the kids. It was enough for me to dramatically change my lifestyle. I lost 10KG from changing my diet, drinking less alcohol, doing spin classes, but most importantly I started having 3 hours of me time and holistic wellness coaching. For those three hours, I would schedule “appointments.” A one hour bath, one our tea in bed and a one hour snooze.
The work at Bridge It involves confronting issues like homelessness and trauma every day. How do you hold space for others’ struggles while also caring for your own wellbeing?
After 20 years of working in the homelessness space it’s critical to develop strategies to manage the vicarious trauma. For me, I have routines where I will have a super hot shower at the end of each day and then change my clothes. I have been doing this for years and for me it signals that I am transitioning to be Carla, the mum and wife and I psychologically leave the day behind. But also, I have an incredible team who do the really emotionally hard work with the young people. I am kind of more like a fun aunty now and just get to pop down and have fun with the residents.
Running Bridge It with your identical twin Jenna while also co-parenting each other’s kids is a rare arrangement. How does that partnership actually function in day-to-day life, and what lessons has it taught you about support systems?
Jenna has always been for me. Having her by my side makes everything easier! We have skill sets that complement each other. For example I love being in my leadership role and I am happy to speak publicly to spread the word about Bridge It. Jenna likes to be more focused on areas like Cocoon’s interior design.
We speak fast and we get a lot done together, sometimes the team thinks we are arguing, but we aren’t. Having a supportive family around being the vital support system is so critical. Many of our young people don’t have supportive families and it makes life a lot harder. This is why we are so focused on building connections for our residents so that they can build supportive friendships that function like family.
A weekly date night with your husband is something you treat as non-negotiable. What difference has that ritual made in your life, and why is protecting that time so important?
Corey and I have been doing weekly dates for 11 years since our relationship started. We are both very busy with work and a lot of our socialising is separate. When parenting together, it can feel like there are a lot of things to do and tick off the list. For us our weekly date is so special as it is the time to come together, be totally present and connect on things that are not related to us as parents.
Our relationship is very strong and I in part relate that to having this special, non negotiable time together. We take it in turns to take the other one out so this means once a fortnight, I know I don’t have to make a decision and will experience a new restaurant or type of food. This makes me feel cared about and loved. I also love planning dates for Corey. I always dress up and put makeup on for our dates as I think it’s super important to keep putting the effort in and keeping the romance alive.
Being named Victoria’s Mother of the Year is a huge honor. How has that recognition influenced your own sense of success as a parent and a founder?
Jenna nominated me for this award and I was so surprised to win. I think like most mothers we experience a lot of mum guilt and I guess I don’t view myself as “mother of the year.” I believe that winning it gave me permission to feel that I can celebrate both my mumming and my career and that the two coexist and are not competing. I gave a speech at the Town Hall (which is also where Corey and I got married) and I shared that I hope that mothers can mother in the way that makes them happy without self judgement or external judgement. This is truly my wish for all mothers.
